from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
