Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
