I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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