Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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