He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
