mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
