Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
