just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
