I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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