I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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