oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...so i touched it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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