He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
