She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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