All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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