lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
