We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
