If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
