Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.