I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
