i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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