you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
