You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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