There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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