i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
