I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish you could order shots online.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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