Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
