before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You made out with two different species that night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
