Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
