God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
