You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
