I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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