I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Swine flu is the new snow day.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
