Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so much tequila, so little girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
