bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
