Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
