no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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