I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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