i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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