all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would fuck him just for his dog
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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