It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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