I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
