i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
