I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
