She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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