Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
