We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a search helicopter?!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
