If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
