If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
