he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
