I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
