What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
