someone owes me an orgasm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
