her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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