wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
