I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
