I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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