I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
