you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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