my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
