Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
