At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
