College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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