Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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