I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
