Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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