It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
