This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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