I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
