That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
