i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
