I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
