After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize