I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
